I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
