she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When are your genitals available?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
