She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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