White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
