I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
