I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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