You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You pole danced in your parka.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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