Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
