Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
