I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
