My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
