He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
