we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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