Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
