Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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