i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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