I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Text me some of your sweat
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
