Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Me too!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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