happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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