Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
