His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
me + whiskey = a bad person
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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