I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm too high and old for this...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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