they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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