Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
