This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
