i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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