If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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