We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
