It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
