Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
