she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
