I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
