It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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