I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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