Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
