i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
