Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
