wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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