Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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