I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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