Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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