How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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