i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
