The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
