He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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