kristin has been a bad kristin
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
