I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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