You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
