No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
