You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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