McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
