Welp...herpes.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
