Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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