I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
