dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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