hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
do herpes really smell.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
