i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
