ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
