i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
