just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
