I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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