don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
