i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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