NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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