So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
