saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
