I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
