Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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