I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
