I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
