I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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