I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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