Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Drunk is not a location!
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