Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
