two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
